No Meat in the Pot

         Cooking without Meat --It Can be Done

                                                                   -By-

 

Neil Waring

Revered Wyoming Chef, outdoor cooking expert, admired woodsmen and honored citizen.

                         Vegetarian cooking

     Two kinds of eaters inhabit the earth—meat eaters and those that don’t eat meat—vegetarians. When cookin for a vegetarian remember there are two types of vegetables, peas and carrots. Some vegetarians also eat fruits like apples, pears and some kinds of cookies. When preparing raw vegetables clean um up real good, then serve um. That’s about it.

     Cooking vegetables is a little tricky but here is what you do. Get a big black skillet sizzling with about a half inch of bacon grease throw in the vegetables, you can use peas or carrots, some crazy vegetarians throw them in together. Key to remember—heat skillet to about 800 degrees before pouring in the bacon grease; don’t worry about the smoke as most people never change the batteries in their smoke detectors anyway and the smoke will clear out in a few hours. If you want to get a little variety roll the veggies in flour and egg before putting them in the grease; talk about crazy.

     Most vegetarians are very dedicated to eating right but probably sneak out to Taco Bell on occasion. 

     Cooking Tofu is something every vegetarian needs to learn. Tofu is best cooked on the grill. Turn the grill on as high as it will go—put Tofu on the rack and close lid, get in car drive to Diary Queen and buy a large chocolate dip cone, when you get home throw away the Tofu and take a nap.           Happy Eatin!

Tags: humor, cooking humor, bad cooking, comic cooking, funny kitchen cooking, baking humor, funny cooking

key Cooking

              Can A Country Man Cook Thanksgiving Dinner?

 

                                                                   -By-

 

Neil Waring

Revered Wyoming Chef, outdoor cooking expert, admired woodsmen and honored citizen.

 

Thanksgiving Turkey

     Thanksgiving is one of America’s favorite holidays. Thanksgiving was started with disco in the 1980s because there were a lot of turkey farmers with too many turkeys and not enough turkey eaters. So these very same farmers started a holiday called turkey day - but people didn’t seem to think a holiday should be named after a big dumb bird so the farmers started giving away their birds and people said thanks and thanks-giving was born. I believe it started in March of 1981 but was soon moved to November because there really was not much to be thankful for in March and November had football.

    HOW TO- Get a Wal-Mart brand turkey (how do they sell all that stuff so cheap?)  Set it on the dinning room table for a couple of days to thaw. On thanksgiving morning get up real early and cut the turkey from the plastic it’s wrapped in. Put turkey in a big ol skillet and cover with tin foil. Place in oven pre-heated as hot as she will go. After a few beers pull er out of the oven and cover with salt, pepper, butter and diet coke. While you have it out pull the plastic sack of giblets out of the turkeys butt and giveit to the dog. NOTE- Giblets are stuff no one eats but they send along with the turkey so you will be charged for another pound. Leave turkey in oven till done or smoke starts coming from the oven. Place on a large paper plate and let everyone have at it. Now that’s not so hard is it?    Happy Eatin!

Tags: turkey cooking, Bad Thanksgiving turkey, Humor in the kitchen, wyoming cooking, men in the kitchen, cooking humor, funny kitchen stuff

Fried Summer Sausage

        Hunting Camp Special

 

                                                                   -By-

 

Neil Waring

Revered Wyoming Chef, outdoor cooking expert, admired woodsmen and honored citizen.

 

Fried Summer Sausage

First prep the summer sausage by slicing the roll of sausage into ¼ inch slices or somewhere near that. Slice on a plate or the kitchen counter—do not use a cuttingboard as someone may have used it previously to slice strange vegetables such as beets or rutabagas and that stuff could contaminate the fine rich taste of the summer sausage. Don’t forget to throw away those little wrappers around each slice and don’t give them to the dog cause he might puke under the table and someone could put their Christmas socked foot in it.

Place skillet on electric stove and turn heat to super high--if using a gas stove turn burner up until the little blue flame is approximately 4 inches high. When skillet is smokin stand back and toss in slices of summer sausage (remember to open kitchen door and window before tossing summer sausage into skillet) let it sizzle till the neighbors call the fire department. Place slices on un-toasted white bread and eat.  De--licious!!

 

Chef Notes—Buy only the cheap Summer Sausage in the Mall cause that gourmet stuff might not blacken up just right. Happy Eatin!

Tags: Men cooking, Hunting Camp Cooking, Hunting camp humor, Baking humor, Bad cooking, funny in the kitchen, cooking humor, men cooking

Sloppy Joes

          Everyone Loves Sloppy Joes

 

                                                                   -By-

 

Neil Waring

Revered Wyoming Chef, outdoor cooking expert, admired woodsmen and honored citizen.

 

SLOPPY JOES

This is a true all-American treat. The Sloppy Joe was invented in 1964 by Thurston Milan near St.Sloppy Hibiscus, South Dakota. Before 1964 Milan was locally famous for inventing a way to turn gasoline into water—it never really caught on and made him rich. But when he named the Sloppy Joe after himself—wow did it catch on. School Cafeterias everywhere started serving them and some of the kids ate them, sometimes.

Ah Yes, Sloppy Joes the recipe. Get the big ol’ black skillet out of the cupboard, put it on the stove and heat it to 700 degrees. Toss in the meat, it should be ground meat of some kind but beef, elk and any meat that tastes a lot like chicken will work. Do not use fish as fish is for sissies and should only be eaten when the in-laws take you to Red Lobster on your anniversary. Chop up a couple of handfuls of onions and toss them in the skillet as the meat browns. If the kitchen starts to fill up with smoke pour a little diet soda into the meat and onion mix. If you don’t have a diet soda handy you might have to use olive oil, Pam or some of that other sissy Emerald crap. When the meat is cooked good mix in the following secret ingredients:  Ketchup, Mustard, Pepper, sugar, salt and a touch of Jack Daniels, stir and serve on white bread smothered in Velveeta— with chips on the side ---delicious. Note do not put pickles, lettuce, mushrooms or any crap like that on these great tasting sloppies.

 

  Happy Eatin!

Tags: Wyoming, cooking, humor, outdoors, hunting, neil waring,

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Cookin' Shrimp

            Shrimp in the Great American West-

                             'yikes'                               

 

                                                             -By-

 

Neil Waring

Revered Wyoming Chef, outdoor cooking expert, admired woodsmen and honored citizen.

Shrimp

Occasionally people claim they are allergic to shrimp. Now this is just not true. Shrimp are little shelled animals that live in salt water or sometimes fresh water. So really they are just fish with shells and who’s ever heard of someone allergic to fish? And we all enjoy those delicious macaroni shells and I would suppose that the shrimp shells are the same as the macaroni shells and who’s ever heard of someone allergic to macaroni. So there you have it—people allergic to shrimp are faking because they want a cheeseburger, which by the way is always better than shrimp anyway. But if you do go for the shrimp, here is how to cook um. Get out the big old black skillet fill it almost up with Crisco or Orville Redenbacher’s popcorn oil (if you prefer popcorn shrimp). Make sure you use oil without trans-fats as New York has decided that trans-fats are bad. Since most people don’t know trans-fats from a transplant, use what ever oil you want just avoid the 10w30 unless that is the only oil you have. Heat oil to 2 or 3 thousand degrees; throw shrimp into pot from several feet away. Cook until the shrimp are black as night, about the color of Oreo cookies is perfect. If the shrimp still have that white stuff on them like Oreos after cooking for a few minutes toss them back into the pot because something is very wrong. When the shrimp are ready serve on a paper plate with ketchup, pepper and Benadryl just in case there is something to this allergy stuff.

 Happy Eatin!

Tags: Humor, cooking humor, men in the kitchen, hunting camp cooking, Men in the kitchen, Shrimp, Man humor

Baking a Cake

      Just For Fun Cooking from Wyoming

                                                                   -By-

 

Neil Waring

Revered Wyoming Chef, outdoor cooking expert, admired woodsmen and honored citizen.

Baking a Cake

How do you make a cake? Not easy but if you follow the directions below you can do it.

First the ingredients  You will needthe following: 3 or 4 eggs, sugar, flour, vanilla, soda (baking not Diet), salt—but no pepper; also get out some yeast, baking powder, butter, shortening, and milk. Some cakes take more stuff than others. Also get some cake flavoring—go to Wal-Mart for this in case you want a cake other than regular cake flavor. Some people prefer chocolate others favor clove or hickory for cakes.

Second—mixing up the stuff  This is a real key to making a great cake. Mix up the wet stuff in one bowl and the dry stuff in another, bakers will tell you this is a must but I like to mix it all up together in the baking pan, saves time and dirty dishes. Careful with the flour as there are different kinds of flour such as pancake flour, bleached, unbleached and petunias, all will give the cake a different taste and maybe weight. Use only cake flour, unless you don’t have any, then use what ever you have in the cupboard but only eat a small piece of the cake.

Third—Baking the Cake  Cakes should bake for 30 to 40 minutes at 350 degrees, but I prefer 15 min at 750 degrees (seems like the same thing to me). Or microwave on high for 12 minutes; should work.

Fourth—Frosting  Use equal parts of shortening, sugar and frosting flavor, mix up on stove at 800 degrees and pour on cake—let cake and frosting cool for 2 or 3 minutes before serving.     Happy Eatin!

Tags: Humor, cooking humor, baking humor, men in the kitchen, bad cooking

Spaghetti and Cheese

    Ye Old Wyoming Crazy Recipe

                                                                   -By-

 

Neil Waring

Revered Wyoming Chef, outdoor cooking expert, admired woodsmen and honored citizen.

 

Spaghetti and Cheese

Now this is one family favorite that you will not soon forget. Buy one large bag-sack or what ever they call that wrap around spaghetti, the one pound bag should feed 2 if you had some lunch. Break spaghetti into thirds (three pieces). Heat a big-ol pot of water to a roaring boil-when water starts slopping out on the stove it should be hot enough. While water is heatin up get out a brick of Velveeta cheese and cut off about ten or twelve ¼ in slices. Cut each slice into fourths/cut across each way once. Careful when cutting the Velveeta, try not to get too much of that foil paper stuff the cheese is wrapped in - in the pot. Now toss all them bitty little pieces of pasta (fancy word us chiefs or is it chefs use for spaghetti) into the pot. Let boil for awhile then hold plate over the pot and dump water into the sink. Add some milk to the pot and throw in the Velveeta. Get a regular table fork out of the drawer and stir in the Velveeta with burner still on super high till it all melts into one giant ball of pasta-cheese-milk stuff. Season with salt and pepper and serve. For special occasions grind up a few crackers, sprinkle on top add a little cheddar (a non-Velveeta cheese) to the top and put in the oven on broil until the smoke alarm goes off. Put on your huntin glove and pull outta the smoke filled oven and serve. This dish is exceptional served with Diet Pepsi, white bread and a bunch a meat.

Happy Eatin!

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