Old Fashioned Back Yard Barbeque
Can an old school teacher Barbeque in the backyard?
-Maybe-
-By
Neil Waring
Revered Wyoming Chef, outdoor cooking expert, admired woodsmen, award winning author, retired politician and honored citizen.
Before starting I must warn you that not everyone can do it and if you can you can—some can’t. We will not be talking about cooking in the mountains or at the lake or city park. No this is all about cooking in the back yard. No firewood, no charcoal—today we will cook on the propane bottle, gas grill, the pride of every backyard chef, this differs from a back yard chief because, although we will be playing with fire no Teepee is needed.
RED MEAT, that’s what backyard grilling is all about. No fish, no fowl, no vegetables, just meat and keep it coming. What follows is all you need to know—these are secrets that I have been saving for years but secrets that backyard cooks everywhere need to know.
First- Turn the grill on as high as she will go, close the lid and go in the house and watch a re-run of Gunsmoke. This should warm it up just about right.
Second- Toss the meat on the grill, hamburgers, hotdogs, Polish-dogs (I hope I spelled Polish correctly because it would be really funny if I spelled it polish like the stuff you put on shoes to make um really shinny. Kind of like Job in the Bible and going to work, you know your job. Some peoples cooking will suffer like Job* in the Bible but follow these directions and yours will not.
Third- Close the lid and let ‘er cook. Cook until smoke rolls out between the lid and the grill.
Fourth- Open lid put out flames, turn off grill put meat on platter and place on picnic table.
Fifth- Serve on paper plates NOTE: get the paper plates that are a buck 99 for a hundred. It’s always hilarious to see who drops their food first.
Sixth- Wow this is a lot of steps. Make sure you have everything needed to top the meat—Ketchup, Mustard and onions, that is all you need—none of that sissy stuff like mushrooms, relish, Miracle Whip, pickles, lettuce or anything with the word sauce in it.
Seventh- Have plenty of white buns available—no whole wheat, rye, oat, rice or any of them other fake breads.
Eighth- Serve with cold pork and beans—open them with your pocket knife for effect or is it affect ?—and keep the chips coming.
Ninth- Drinks—any thing in a can
Tenth- Burp and ENJOY—Now wasn’t that easy.
* Thanks Jan for reminding me about Job--now that guy had it tough- probably no barbeque at all.
(C) 2008 N.A. Waring
